All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My first STD was from a foam party
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
