Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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