Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
