A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
