Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
