He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
