Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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