I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize