I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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