my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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