There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
