Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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