Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
