How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
