Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
