it's too hot outside to masturbate.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
