whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize