Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
