I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
