You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
