i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
