So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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