I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
