Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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