You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
