why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
