the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
