Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
