can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
