I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
