My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
