I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
