I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
