it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Buhtt sex?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
