So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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