There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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