I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
