I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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