Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
well you can't waste a boner
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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