dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Found your dick twin last night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
