i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
