i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
