Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
