we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
