Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
