My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
