alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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