i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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