Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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