My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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