Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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