I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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