I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
