i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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