Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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