we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
