I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
