She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
