I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
