Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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