you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Enjoy the penises
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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