i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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