He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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