I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
