I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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