Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
