Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize