So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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