david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
