You work out of a Hotel?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
