Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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