Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
