I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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