I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize