everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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