she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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