U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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