There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
