We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
