This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
