Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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