He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
